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Science Lab and Astronomy

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I practice good “Hi Gene”

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Vagina Dentata? It’s for POWERFUL Chewers!

Saw this lovely “chew toy” in the pet store the other day and…well…I can’t imagine that it was created for any other purpose than…well…

Then I remembered my husband singing a little ditty to the catchy tune of “Hakuna Matata.” It goes something like this…

“Vagina Dentata, what a wonderful phrase
Vagain Dentata, aint no passing craze.
A Galileo for the rest of your days.
It’s a penis-free philosophy…Vagina Dentata!”

I’m sorry that you can never unhear that and you’ll probably walk away from this post possibly even singing it.

Who am I kidding? I’m not that sorry.

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Science Lab tackles humor and fractions.

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The Witches of Eastwood

Ok…I’m sure they’re not witches…but it went along with my play on words. If we were talking about the Real Housewives I would have said, “The Bitches of Eastwood”. However we are talking about Clint Eastwood’s wife and children making a reality show.

The E! Network is launching the first of 10 episodes on May 20th and we’ll get to follow Dina Eastwood and the clan and watch their lifestyle.

It seems from Joan Rivers to Kendra Wilkinson every A, C, D, D, E…to Z list actor would like a piece of the reality pie. They are fascinating simply because they are celebrities but isn’t the formula getting a tad bit, dare I say it, tired?

Personally, if there is a celebrity involved in a reality TV show, I would prefer the network pick a consummate professional so that I may watch them work.

Bring on Louis C.K. and let us peak in on how he develops his routine. How does he find a joke? Does it just come to him or does he have a team of pros working by his side? Let us see him decide what works and what fails and why and how he either drops the material or refines it to make it palatable.

How about Bernadette Peters? The Broadway Legend could allow a few cameras to shadow her while she goes from rehearsal to performance and all the business and charity nuance in between.

Find a successful choreographer and let us delve into their creative process from beginning to end as they choreograph something spectacular. Maybe we could learn the dance along the way.

That is what I’m looking for, Hollywood. I don’t need to see the celebrities x-rays their asses or bicker with spouses. I want to see their talent. I want to see how they work and think and perform under pressure.

Or is that too PBS for y’all?

How about you, audience? Who would give you a thrill to “fly on the wall”?

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“If only…” What happens when your list gets too long.

Thought we’d add this very simple yet profound “Life Tip” to your consciousness today.

Take a moment to look at the Special Someone in your life. Of course, I’m not asking for your examination if you’re currently satisfied in your relationship. So, if you are one of those who is currently riding around on a unicorn surrounded by rainbow butterflies please giddyup elsewhere.

I’m speaking to those ladies and gents who find themselves in a state of dis-ease. If you are mentally notating a list of “if only my Special Someone would do this… or do that… or change this…” then you need to take your heart out of the equation and ask why they aren’t doing those things. Are they understandable requests? Are they valid? Are they easy?

If you answer yes to any of those questions then your Special Someone is not treating you as the #1 Person in their Life and sadly, that may mean that you aren’t the #1 Person in their Life.

Remember, you deserve to be treated as special and precious.

If you’re not being treated as such, maybe it’s time to find someone who will treat you that way.

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Are those gorilla feet or are you just happy to see me?

Yeah, I realize that title doesn’t make much sense but how do you incorporate gorilla feet into a title and really make it pop?

I’ve been keeping a little secret from everyone on Facebook who hasn’t seen me in a bit. I’m wearing crazy, funky shoes that have “somewhat” changed my life.

My husband was the first to purchase the Vibram 5 Fingers shoeline in our household.

Monkey around in these shoes.

When he first put them on I was visually disgusted. He had what I could only equate as “Gorilla Feet.” They were an eyesore and I was sure that going out in public with him wearing those would result in a local paper snapping our picture and publishing us as a fashion “don’t”.

Then he started prancing.

He would leap and frolic and comment on how much he loved his new shoes and he didn’t care how ugly they were because they made him so happy. There was a lot of foot joy in those first few months and his excitement was starting to wear off.

Still mourning a poor fashion choice.

The Dreaded Culotte

Now, I had made a pact with myself that I would no longer fall into the fashion fads of past years. I remember clearly being horrified at the advent of the culotte in 70′s fashion and swore that no person would ever see me set foot in a pair. But…slowly my friends were wearing them…and then they became kind of, dare I say it, cute? A month or two down the line and I was begging my mom to drive me to Lamont’s to purchase my first pair. I still carry that shame.

I thought I was more than safe from the fickle desires of my youth because these shoes were butt ugly and they had the added mortifying benefit of having individual toe holes. Made me shiver to even think about it. I don’t like it when I accidentally have stuff between my toes let alone put anything there intentionally.

After another month or so of continual prancing and comments on how much better he felt running or walking or sitting or standing and the highest of recommendations from my cousin, Tina, a magical reflexologist, I decided to give them a try. Yes, I’ll admit it, I wanted the culotte.

I ordered my first pair online and immediately screwed it up because I decided to measure my foot (the shoes come in European sizes) with a ruler on the floor. Please note, unless you REALLY know your size in these shoes do not buy them online. They fit to your toes and your heels and you will not know your size until you try them on.

I chuckled at the fact that the shoes come with a warning to make sure to “gradually adjust” to the shoes so that your muscles wouldn’t get thrashed too badly at the initial wearing. I shouldn’t have chuckled. After meandering around the house for a few hours I decided that my next jaunt would be a little slow jog around the neighborhood. The total loop had hills and flats and totaled a little over 2 miles. Usually after every jog or walk I would be left with a hip aching so badly the pain would run down my leg. Also, my feet always, always hurt. When I finished the jog I was surprised to find that my hips didn’t feel a thing. My feet were a little shocked by the pavement and the slapping but I think that had much more to do with the fact that my gait had been improper for so many years. I couldn’t just get used to walking properly within the span of a short jog.

The next morning I could barely walk. It wasn’t my hips or my feet. It was my calves. They were tighter than they had ever been and I felt like they were being ratcheted tighter with each step. Aaaaaah, this was why they gave you the warning! I made a note to be more careful next time. However I was left feeling satisfaction that my muscles were sore but not my skeletal system.

SOOO dirty. SOOO stinky.


I’ve had my toe shoes for over 2 years now and they have really been through the ringer. I always wear them when I exercise, rain or shine, and they are absolutely thrashed because of it. One thing to mention about these shoes, they are NOT weather friendly. If there is even the slightest moisture on the ground you will find it in your shoes. If it’s cold, your feet are colder! I’m excited for Vibram to create an “all weather” shoe that truly keeps you warm and dry but we may be a ways away from that.

I love my shoes. I can say confidently that I am not wearing them as a fad but because they truly let me feel the earth under my feet, correct my gait so that I feel it when I’m walking wrong and let me walk farther without the inevitable backaches, hip and feet problems afterward. At one point, while walking from the waterfront in San Francisco up to our hotel on Nob Hill, I realized that I had walked 3 hours in my shoes with nary a discomfort.

Now I’ve become a loud advocate for the barefoot lifestyle. After months (maybe years) of trying to convince my VERY picky friend to try them (and once even getting so far as convincing her to purchase a pair which she immediately returned without ever wearing) I was able to persuade her to try a shoe with a Vibram sole, albeit covered like a normal shoe (no toe holes).

As she experiments with the shoes (walking, jogging, etc.) we will document her likes and dislikes and let you know her final judgement. As I mentioned, she is VERY picky and critical. Seriously, she would be an ideal job applicant at Consumer Reports. So, until next time ~ Hang 10!

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Science Lab explains Anatomy

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American Vernacular: The series…of cuss words

My father was a gifted and creative man. Gifted with a dark, twisted sarcasm that he wore like a skin and creative in that he could take his immediate and oft frustration and turn it into a jaw-dropping, laugh inducing, Mama cover my ears soliloquy. Yes, these utterances were blue or adult-themed but I cannot remember him ever utilizing an F-bomb to make his point but I do remember a 5 minute monologue delivered to my siblings and I, raving about the miracle of science and the magic of plumbing and how astonishingly simple it was to flush a toilet. I recall the phrase, “beating myself in the head with a hammer made of alcohol”, which became his prophecy and a warning to me. And I’ll never forget his Carpe Diem Opus, “This is a table, this is a lunchbox and that is the front door. Don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out and if you ever need a hand, don’t be afraid to look at the end of your wrist.”

He weaved tales of the feared Crocagator, the meanest animal on the planet, beset with the head of a crocodile on one end and the head of an alligator on the other. When asked how this beast shat, the answer was, “He doesn’t. That’s what makes him so mean.”

A declarative statement would be prefaced with, “By the 24 balls of the 12 apostles…”

A physical mistake would be matched with, “Do you know any tricks that work…”

Somebody with questionable intelligence had “all the brains of a bastard goose.”

When he was behind the wheel he was a man without peer for he invented road rage, long before it ever had a name.  My father has long passed but his verbal legacy lives on. I contend that these phrases, utterances, quips, rants, bon mots are a direct link to all of our personal histories. I would love to hear your own family’s Throat of Arms. I invite you to jot down some of the sayings you heard growing up. It by no means defines you but it certainly adds color to the canvas.

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I can never unsee this.

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